LOS ANGELES–The school’s softball team’s recent end to their season brings up an important question: We have a softball team?
An investigation conducted by the Peacock has revealed that there is, in fact, a varsity softball team, and that they even played recently. Reports say they were victorious, but this has yet to be confirmed by anyone close to the team. We have reached out to members of the team for comment on this matter, and we have gotten only one response so far, though it was not much of an answer to our question pertaining to the game result.
“Fuck you,” said alleged team captain and head of the feminist student alliance Katherine Goodwin. “We’re out here busting our chops, but the patriarchy won’t show us any respect.”
Goodwin also maintained that she’s “extremely displeased” and even “fed up” with the recent events in Darfur or some shit like that.