OP-ED by Ryan Spencer, 11th grade.
LOS ANGELES–So today I’m minding my own business, just going about my usual school day, and I go into the bathroom. I notice all three urinals are open for service, so I use the right urinal. Good choice, Ryan!
Then, as if God thought that the situation was just too damn good for me, as if I couldn’t just have a normal, uneventful bathroom experience, in walks little Chris Feinberg.
This is when I figured out Chris Feinberg is a freshman piece of shit. Here’s why.
I can see Chris in the mirror as he approaches the three urinals. I turn back towards the wall, hoping that I didn’t draw any attention to myself, yet I can hear his footsteps getting louder as he approaches the three urinals. The one on the right is occupied by me, and the other two are open.
Before I can say a short prayer, Chris did what no human should ever think about doing: he took the middle stall. Every man who ever lived knows that whatever you do, you do not take the middle stall, even if your life depends on it. Thanks for ruining my day, Chris.