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Student Doesn’t Read Whole permission Slip Before Signing It, Shot By Armed Guard

Posted on December 16, 2018

LOS ANGELES – Signing binding legal documents without looking at them may be even more dangerous than you think. Three days ago sophomore Donald Bunion was shot in the leg ...

 

Juul Unveils New Flavor “Popcorn Lung”

Posted on December 16, 2018

LOS ANGELES – After threats from the FDA led the controversial company Juul to pull their fruit-flavored pods from stores, the company has recently announced the release of a new ...

 

Cool Kids Catch Heat After Setting “English Imperialism” Party Theme

Posted on December 11, 2018

LOS ANGELES – Excelsior Academy has found itself embroiled in yet another scandal; a group of popular kids were outed after throwing an English Imperialism-themed homecoming party. Students showed up ...

 

Piece of Shit Kid Takes Middle Urinal

Posted on September 24, 2018

OP-ED by Ryan Spencer, 11th grade. LOS ANGELES–So today I’m minding my own business, just going about my usual school day, and I go into the bathroom. I notice all ...

 

CDC Upgrades ‘Fortnite’ to Grade A Drug Classification

Posted on September 24, 2018

LA–The Center for Disease Control made headlines today, upgrading the popular game Fortnite to a grade A drug classification. The game, which has reportedly racked in over a billion dollars of ...

 

“Visionary” Student Prints Bong Out of 3D Printer

Posted on September 24, 2018

EXCELSIOR–James Bradowsky, known in the stoner community as “The Creator,” reportedly printed a fully functioning bong using the school’s 3D printer. “I got the inspiration by combining my two favorite ...

 

Student’s Senior Service Project is to Pick Up Trash at a Public School a Mile Away

Posted on September 24, 2018

LA–In a continuation of their community outreach program, students of Excelsior Academy traveled to a local public school to pick up trash today at around 1:30 pm. “I’m just happy ...

How's about some more?
 
Armed Guard Given Detention for Possession of Firearm on Campus
Posted on December 16, 2018
 
Teen Court Sentences Eighth Student to Death This Year
Posted on December 16, 2018
 
Student Doesn’t Read Whole permission Slip Before Signing It, Shot By Armed Guard
Posted on December 16, 2018
 
Study Finds Majority of Students Do Better When Allowed to Cheat
Posted on December 16, 2018

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