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Armed Guard Given Detention for Possession of Firearm on Campus

Posted on December 16, 2018

LOS ANGELES – In what some have called a contradictory move, Excelsior has given the armed guard a detention just days after hiring him. The guard, who was hired after ...

 

Excelsior Brings Back Water Torture to Enforce Carpool Rules

Posted on December 16, 2018

LOS ANGELES – After removing water torture as an option for Honor Board punishment, Excelsior Academy has decided to bring the controversial measure back in order to enforce the new ...

 

School Punts, Creates Designated “Vaping” and “Non-Vaping” Bathrooms

Posted on September 24, 2018

LOS ANGELES–In an attempt to combat the highly publicized vaping epidemic, Excelsior Academy has decided to designate certain bathrooms specifically for JUULing. “This solution is a win-win,” said Principal Lazzaro. ...

 

Message to Graduating Seniors: Please Give Us Money Soon, Also Congrats!

Posted on September 24, 2018

LOS ANGELES- After a truly powerful commencement ceremony, full of average singing and a speech that we’ve heard three times already this year from the headmaster, the Excelsior Alumni Office ...

 

Study Finds School to Be, In Fact, Not Diverse At All

Posted on September 24, 2018

LOS ANGELES–A shocking study conducted by The Peacock has shown that, contrary to what Excelsior Academy wants the community to believe, the school is almost impossibly not diverse. In the ...

 

School Does the Right Thing, Eliminates Water Torture During Honor Board Meetings

Posted on September 24, 2018

LA–After a big push from the Parent’s Association, Excelsior Academy has finally done the right thing and eliminated the use of water torture from their Honor Board meetings. Previously, when ...

 

Massive Construction Project Really Just a Race with Rival School to Reach Center of the Earth

Posted on September 24, 2018

LA–It’s well known that even though we are only a year into this new construction project, students and teachers alike are very displeased with the new conditions that they are ...

 

Report: School Really Fucking Pissed this Website Exists

Posted on September 24, 2018

LOS ANGELES–In a recent investigation done by The Peacock, it was found that Excelsior Academy, the school about which this organization reports, is super fucking mad that this website exists. ...

How's about some more?
 
Armed Guard Given Detention for Possession of Firearm on Campus
Posted on December 16, 2018
 
Teen Court Sentences Eighth Student to Death This Year
Posted on December 16, 2018
 
Student Doesn’t Read Whole permission Slip Before Signing It, Shot By Armed Guard
Posted on December 16, 2018
 
Study Finds Majority of Students Do Better When Allowed to Cheat
Posted on December 16, 2018

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