LA–A recent study conducted by the failing school newspaper, the Soarer, has revealed that, on average, students that cheat do far better than students that do not cheat.

The study confirms that 85% of kids have cheated in some form and that the other 15% are liars or narcs.

“Knowing the questions before I walked into the test is what got me into the Ivy League,” said one student. “I owe everything to cheating in high school.”

As cheating becomes more and more prevalent in high schools and universities across the country, administrators are shifting their combative strategy from total abstinence to protected control.

“We know these kids are going to grow up into sleazy businessmen who con the poor to enrich themselves, so why not teach them the skills required in their work now?” challenged President of Internal Operations at Montclair University, Dr. Martin Nanjiani.

Opponents of cheating claim that one can do well in school while working honestly, but those kids clearly don’t understand how much of a pain working hard is.